newyorkfeeds

Tween boy #1, after exiting TD Bank with two friends: Where do you get the money you spend? Tween boy #2: Where do you think? My parents. Tween boy #3: I spend my own money. Tween boy #2: And where did you get that money? Tween boy #3: My Bar Mitzvah. I got almost $6,000. Tween boy #1: Damn, why am I not Jewish? Tween boy #2: Hey, I have considered becoming Jewish just for the money! --Montague St & Court St Overheard by: Giggles

Teen, looking at rack of sweater vests: Hey, look--I could turn into Rick Santorum! Mother: Yeah, but then I'd have to disown you. --Century 21 Overheard by: Benny

Drunk male: You know your husband is totally gay, right? Drunk female: I mean, yeah! He has a boyfriend. --Greenpoint, Brooklyn Overheard by: Striker

Freshman guy: I'm going to take a massive... shower. Freshman guy: Sounds like you were going to say massive shit. Freshman girl: Girls don't shower. --Columbia University

Guy #1: Yo, brains is sexy. Guy #2: Word up. All my bitches need GEDs. --A Train Overheard by: Anne Paas

Girl #1: The last time we went out she paid for her own drinks. Girl #2: She pays for her own drinks? Eww, who does that? Girl #1: I know! --Crate & Barrel, SoHo Overheard by: Akiko

Suit #1: I really enjoy a little something in the morning before I leave for work. Suit #2: Yeah, but for some reason the the hot chicks don't wake up early. --6th Ave & 40th St Overheard by: kevin

Stranger #1: Ooh, your daughter is so cute! Proud mother: Thank you, she just got her very first cup of hot chocolate. Stranger #1: Oh my gosh, that's a big deal! Do you like it honey? Little girl: Mmm-hmm! (sips hot chocolate) Stranger #2, at a different table: So you know you're ballin' when your first cup of hot chocolate is in the East Village at a hipster cafe where even the napkins are organic. --East Village Cafe

Hipster girl on cell loudly: Courtney! I have to pee so bad! I'm going to wet my pants! Hipster dude, walking by: You're wearing a dress, sweetie. --Bedford & N. 6th St.

Husband: You fuckin crazy? I wouldn't even buy bottled water in New York. Plain fucking dirty! Wife: Yeah. I bet you washed your funky ass this morning. Husband: So what! Apparently everyone else smells the same. --Times Square

Plump gay guy #1, walking with overloaded bags of groceries, sweating: Hey, there's a space right there! Plump gay guy #2, walking beside him with equally overloaded bags of groceries, sweating: Where? Plump gay guy #1: Right there! (tries to lift bag of groceries to point across street at the same time) Plump gay guy #2: (starts running across street towards empty parking space) Plump gay guy #1, yelling: What the hell are you doing, dumbshit?! Pump gay guy #2, defensively: I'm going to reserve the spot! Plump gay guy #1, loudly: No!! Go get the car!! (plump gay guy #2 changes direction and starts running up the street with overloaded bags of groceries, breathing heavily) Plump gay guy #1: I swear, you're dumber than a box of rocks! --Upper West Side

English tourist #1: Oh, shall we go into the creepy dead animal store? English tourist #2, very seriously: Definitely. --Outside Evolution Store, Spring St., Soho Overheard by: Just Derek

Attractive 20-something #1: I guess some people want to keep a picture of their boyfriend on their bedside table. Attractive 20-something #2: Not me! Attractive 20-something #1: I know, right? It seems creepy. Like he's watching you sleep or something. --Uptown 1 Train

Five-year-old boy: And then we learned that on Christmas Jesus died-ed, I think. Jesus likes trees and sparkly lights. Little sister, with mouth open in shock: You have the same Christmas I do! --Q Train, Brooklyn Overheard by: ABrooklynBaby'sNanny

Distraught backpacker: How can you live in this city? My god, how can you live here? Old woman: What? Distraught backpacker: Where are the trees?! Where is the ocean? --10th Ave

Clean-cut black guy: If she messes with me I'm going to put her in a ditch. Big-boned mixed chick: No, you're not! You're too nice for that. Clean-cut black guy: Don't you know? I was in the thug scouts as a kid! Big-boned mixed chick, snickering: Oh, yeah? Clean-cut black guy, thinking wistfully: Absolutely! Our motto was "yay, yay, bitch"! My first merit badge was for being gangsta! I believe it said "I will cut you, fool" on it... --Cambria Heights, Queens

Teen #1 shopping in supermarket, to friends: I'm just saying fuck that fucking ass-cock! Teen #2: Yo, son! Chill with all that loud ass cursing. Teen #1: Nigga, I don't give a fuck; bitch, fuck, titties, cock, ass, bitch, motherfucker! Fuck pussy ass bitches that don't respect this lil ganster-nigga here! You feel me?! Teen #2: Okay. Teen #1 to supermarket worker: Get back to work, nigga, or I'll slap you with my dick and piss on your carrots! --Pioneer Supermarket, Brooklyn Overheard by: Ricanvelli

Man: I'm really liking the bible right now. Woman: Oh yeah? Which part? Man: Just the stuff Jesus said. --Metropolitan Museum

Subway preacher: When you get home tonight, stay off of Facebook and open up this book (holds up enormous bible). This brother here may be shaking his head, but get to know Jesus Christ while there's still time. Black hipster: It's too early for this white Jesus shit, man. Don't even start with that. I need a job, man. Not Jesus. A job. Is Jesus gonna give me a job? --Uptown A Train Overheard by: Special K

Young woman #1: Have you eaten there before? (points to restaurant across the street) Young woman #2: Yeah, it's pretty good. And it's all organic. Young woman #1: That's cool. Young woman #2: Yeah, I eat a lot of soy, and most organic stuff is made of soy. --74th & Amsterdam Ave